Thursday, November 12, 2009

Glamour shot of the day

This "lady" is fucking adorable. The cigarette, the cameltoe, it's all too much for me. Those cotton shorts are fabulous. I'm sure they really show off her crotch sweat on a hot summer day.

And can you see that poor dog in the background? He's thinking, "God, this place is a fucking dump and my owner is such an old white trash whore."

Today's blog is...

brought to you by balut. It's basically a fucked up fertilized egg and is considered a "delicacy." I'm sure! A friend of mine eats this nasty shit with his family during the holidays. Adorable. We can file this under "cute culture."

This clip is fucking sick. I'm not sure if I should fuck a Jerry's Kid or rub my dick on the Book of Mormon.

Thanks Sean & Panda

I'm a really...

big music snob, and a snob in general, therefore, I can't stand John Mayer. He grosses me the fuck out. And he does that gross sex/taking a shit face when he plays guitar. Bleh.

Anyway, someone sent me this clip of one of his pig fans, really rocking out to his shitty music (0:10 mark). Poor thing. I'd like to tell "her" that everything is going to be just fine, but that would probably be a lie.

And is it just me, or does this pig look like the long lost twin of Pizza the Hutt from Spaceballs?

Thanks Beau

Have you ever...

been to Proctor, Minnesota? Sounds like a fucking dump. I'm going to go ahead and assume that the suicide rate there is off the charts. Anyway, Dennis LeRoy Anderson, was arrested there last month for peeling out shitfaced in a motorized La-Z-Boy.

Really? You might be white trash if your piss soaked recliner just happens to be motorized. Check out the old whore in the clip below. She was doing a wheelie (0:25 mark) on the recliner at the time of the arrest. I'm fucking sure.

Thanks Frank

I want to...

know what the fuck is wrong with Wynonna Judd? I know this country pig has gained and lost hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of pounds a la Oprah (Have you seen her show lately? She's fucking huge). Trust me, I feel her pig pain.

However, her addiction to melted butter and raw hamburger meat does not explain this RuPaul / Melissa Etheridge hybrid super sow ensemble.

Just look at her trashy fucked up mom. I'm obsessed with her. If you got an addictions to pills and/or plastic surgery, then I'm your fucked up pig. I love RICH WHITE TRASH! I would bob for their rotten tampons in a fucked up a litter box.

I hope you enjoy the clip below. I've violently sobbed to this song while eating pizza after pizza seen a dozen drag queens perform this number over the years. When I hear it, it always makes me think of busted assholes, broken dreams, and pantyhose dripping in ball sweat.

Just look at...

these pregnant pigs. Pregnant bitches makes me violently ill. When I see kids screaming and acting fucking insane, I always like to tap the "mother" on the shoulder and say, "too late to abort?"

Anyway, this adorable mother/daughter combo, both have those "things" growing in them from riding the CDE (Cum Dumpster Express). They also have swine flu. Fucking gross. And you know that they put their cigarettes out right before the cameras started rolling.

I'm not totally convinced that the daughter is even pregnant. Frankly, she just looks like a fucking pig to me.

Thanks Jon

I swear on...

all the retards locked up in my basement pills in my wig drawer, that I'm going to queef shrimp flavored snot, if fucking Carrie Prejean doesn't disappear. I can't remember if this low rent slut is already on the "Just Die" list or not, but it's time. This bitch is such a waste of space, that I feel sorry for her terds. However, she would be a fabulous contestant in a yeast infection sniffing contest.

Make sure there aren't any old people in the room when you watch this clip, because you'll want to beat the fuck out of someone. She was on Larry King last night to sling her shitty "book," QUEEFN' JESUS: THE MEMOIR OF A WHORE. This fucking skank says that Sarah Palin is her hero. Really pig?!? Talk about a kennel packed full of boring bitches.

Is Prejean a bigger fraud that Palin? Can you imagine the bullshit dripping out of these books? What about all the slow Christian trash shitting in their butt ugly denim ensembles, in anticipation of Prejean's literary "masterpiece." And by masterpiece, I mean a study in drooling fraudulent Christian white trash.

Check out the 2:15 mark. Larry takes a call from a pagent loving renegade queen and Prejean attempts to peel the fuck out. Fucking hilarious!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Breaking "News!"

Due to the "overwhelming" response regarding Terri's last breath, I've decided to continue on with this shitty blog. A part of me wants to jack off with with a bucket of nursing home snot build a new basement to chain up some of my more mentally challenged friends.

Anyway, I'm sorry to all the precious "people" out there that got nervous about the blog. Oh and just a little note to you fucked up pigs. You guys are fucking sick. If my mother ever got a hold of Trash Heaven, she would have one of her slaves break into my trailer and torch my entire collection of Joan Collins memorabilia.

I'll try and sling some fucked up shit for you bitches in the next few days. And if the precious pig below can be "happy," can't we all? Ha!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

It is with...

great "sadness" that I announce the death of Trash Heaven. It's just over. I'm wearing my new 24XL hogdress with an airbrushed picture of Terri Schiavo that says, "it is finished."

I need to take some time off and deal with this debilitating depression. Everything would be fine if Candy Spelling would just reply to my fucking fan mail.

I have a "feeling" that it's going to be a really rough winter. Look for me on the next season of Big Medicine. Kirstie Alley and Carnie Wilson have destroyed me via their calorie orgy. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow after my gastric bypass consultation.