Tuesday, October 27, 2009

If you're like...

me, a bored lonely pig and enjoy fucking around on youtube for endless hours, then you'll eventually run across some really adorable pigs. These "people" will provide ample evidence that Natural Selection isn't working.

Anyway, the sow above looks like the long lost twin of Sloth from the The Goonies, and he's absolutely butchered one of my favorite Amy Grant songs. Yes, I used to be obsessed with Amy Grant and have been to five of her concerts like Amy Grant. I'm a sad pig!

This sow has blocked the video, so I can't embed it. Click here to watch this tragic rendition of I Will Remember You.

Take a second during this shiteous number, to check out all the horrible decorations. It looks like this was filmed in the lobby of a nursing home. The smell of a nursing home always makes me want to get my dick out vomit.

What is the...

deal with white trash and their fucking pets? Just look at these boring fuckers. If you saw them crying at church during this song, you'd never know that they were also getting pounded by their pet monkeys. I bet that bitch's Old Testament is covered in monkey jizz.

Do you remember that one nutty bitch, that was fucking the chimp named Travis? And then one day Travis flipped the fuck out and tried to eat that crazy old whore. Cute tombstone, "Fucked & Eaten By Renegade Chimp."

As some of...

you know, there is a very special place in my "heart" reserved for lesbians. They're just so goddamn sweet, nothing at all like any of the evil fucked up queens I know.

Anyway, if there is a special lady licker in your "life," and you can't think of anything to get "her" for the holidays, one of the necklaces above will do just fine.

According to my "sources," these pendants come scented to mimic some of your favorite vaginal maladies. Some even squirt tartar sauce, perfect for that office Christmas party from hell. And be sure to look for the clit lice pendant coming this Easter (HE is risen)!

Thanks Pig

Friday, October 16, 2009

Glamour shot of the day

I hope these fucking losers are Christians, otherwise, they have a lot of explaining to do.

Today's blog is...

brought to you by this angry redneck's mullet. Do all the "people" with mullets, know that they've got a fucking mullet? I'm kind of confused, because if you did, would you continue to fuck with the world via your gross white trash coif?

The only thing I'd like to do with this mullet, is braid it while he fucks a dog reads the Bible.

Thanks Joe

If you're a...

fucking pig, it's probably not a good idea to wear tight jeans. I've had to give up almost all my denim, except a few of my elastic pig pieces.

Anyway, the pig above is in desperate need of a tailor that can hook "her" up with a 25XL denim masterpiece.

For Macy

If you're like...

me, a total pig and have an account at Bank of America, you might be concerned by what the manager of my local branch is driving. Was it really worth pimping out this piece of shit for business? Maybe this is part of their "urban" strategy.

Thanks Mario

A very dear...

queen friend of mine, recently sent me this pic. As some of you know, I'm a HUGE fan of white trash bumper stickers. Abortion bumper stickers are always such a delight. They really make you stop and "think."

Anyway, this made me think of a few dumb fucking morons that I know. I'm going to make a bumper sticker for their mothers, that says, "MY KIDS A FUCKING MORON, I SHOULD HAVE ABORTED THAT SKANK."

Thanks Nate

I can almost...

relate to this poor pig. Not in size (yet), but in the humiliation of passing out and people fucking with you.

Something horrible like this, happened to me last summer. Some massive queens friends were over at my house and we were beyond wasted. I'm talking Elizabeth Taylor/Cindy McCain wasted, totally fucked.

Well, apparently I blacked out and decided to do a few laps in the pool. A perfect time for a swim. Anyway, I finally came to sometime in the middle of the night, covered in candy wrappers and with a massive hangover.

The next morning, both of my "friends" had shit eating grins. After a few Xanax, they admitted to violating the "sanctity" of my body while putting me to bed.

Apparently, they'd done a close "inspection" of my lady parts while I was blacked out/time traveling. I told them my pussy was fucked up, but they just didn't take my word for it. They've been in counseling ever since. Fucking bitches.

For Matt & Shane

A friend of...

mine sent me this clip, and it's all I can do not to put my head in the goddamn oven. Unfortunately for you all, my oven is electric, so it would only melt my face.

Anyway, this regards Glenn Beck, that quivering Republican piece of "Christian" cult trash. Watch this clip and try not to kill yourself. It's fucking awful. What a giant pussy. I hope his wife barfs on their Book of Mormon after watching this. Does he not have any shame? Always sobbing on tv about dumb shit. Get a life, pig.

The damage this conservative piece of shit has done is incalculable. All the bullshit he's fed to the throngs of white trash that listen to him. What a bunch of fucking morons. Burn in HELL, pigs!!!

Thanks Jon

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Glamour shot of the day

I love this whole ensemble, it really frames her cameltoe. And that shitty framed 8x10 on the wall is so fucking tacky. Small framed pictures and cameltoes are classic signs of being white trash.

Today's blog is...

brought to you by this pig's adorable smile. A "friend" is mine is about to have some hemorrhoids cut out. Why spend thousands of dollars at the doctor, when you could just have this gross bitch come over and toss your salad (makes sure and eat 5 cups of Wendy's chili 12 hours before). After one session, those hemmys would be shredded like salad bar ham chunks.

Have you ever...

seen a monster sow, fucking up a fast food drive-thru, on a rascal? The bitch above is magnificent and should be the new mound of fat "face" of Burger King.

If you know this pig, will you contact your local authorities, to do an emergency analysis of her plumbing? I bet this bitch takes such massive shits, that she could have them circumcised.

I'm going to use this opportunity, to reintroduce everyone to Ariel Wade. If you'll remember, Ariel is the pig of questionable gender that was turned away from a White Castle.

Thanks Daniel

Boot(s) of the week

You could really make a statement in any of these fabulous boots. They look to be about a mens size 14, which means we're probably talking about some balls in pantyhose action, a personal favorite.

I'm coming out with a line of "energy drinks," made from chode sweat collected from discarded thongs/pantyhose.

Thanks Sean

As some of...

you know, nothing kills me more than a really shitty wedding. The loser pigs above are making me extra suicidal today. I'm going to fucking shit in Gatorade cooler at the Special Olympics if I see one more pig with bare shoulders. Cover that shit up, you gross bitch.

With the "power" invested in me by the Choctaw "Nation," I know pronounce you boring white trash.

Thanks Will

Do you remember...

the Country Queens? I'm talking about the beloved Nick Tarlton and Jesse Hilton. Their gay love radiates from the trailer parks hills of North Caroline and revolts touches us all.

Anyway, during our debilitating depression, we've lost touch with the Country Queens. They are always in our thoughts.

Well, a friend sent us this fabulous portrait of them. Click here to stay on top of all their fuckery. And I'd like to finish with a clip from Scandals, the most fabulous gay bar in all of creation.

Thanks Matt

Are you having...

trouble finding a gift for that special pig in your life, that has everything? If so, you might need to invest in these bacon boots. These are perfect shoes for tap dancing on mounds of shit in a litter box.

As some of you might know, bacon is one of my favorite lubes snacks. It gives my coif a radiant shine. Anyway, watch the clip below of this feisty little up and coming country queen. His love for bacon is unmatched. What a little pig. Also, please take a minute to take in all the hideous "decorations." Cloth sectionals galore!

Thanks Frank & Beau

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Glamour shot of the day

Nothing says "old whore" like white shorts choking on a cameltoe. Have another drink/pill, pig.

Today's blog is...

brought to you by this shitty ad that's been showing up at the bottom of my emails. The pig that came up with this shit needs to have his/her ass kicked.

More importantly, if your teeth are yellow, then you should bleach that gross shit. I promise, everyone is judging you, even the Christians.

Have you heard...

of Siloam Springs, Arkansas? And have you heard of that list of the 100 places you have to go, before you die? Well, this place is a fucking dump and definitely not on any list, except maybe for the top suicides/abortions in the state.

Anyway, this wasteland is actually a "border town" you have to go through on the way to my favorite place on earth, the Cherokee Casino. All the pigs passing through, are greeted with this shitty fucking sign. I'd love to meet the redneck Christian trash that put this shit up. You've got to be kidding me.

I always think, "if this is God's country, then God must be white trash."

I was at...

this total dump in my shitty town, trying to find a movie to distract me from my debilitating depression. I couldn't find anything good, it was like bobbing for tampons in a litter box.

However, I did run across this fucking monster. I tried to get a profile shot, but I was afraid IT was going to kick my ass. Let's discuss a few of the crimes against humanity, this pig was committing.

1. Highlights on men always look like shit. If you've got them, please do some "soul" searching.

2. Cut off jeans always make you look like an old worn the fuck out road whore.

3. I wanted to rub my nipples on his goddamn elbows. I'm sure they had the texture of a cat's tongue.

And on my way out, I saw this pig peeling the fuck out in this gross Monte Carlo. I think it was a "special" Nascar edition. You're killing me! What a shitty car.

Thanks Hellen K.

As some of...

you know, I'm a really BIG "supporter" of the "arts." And when I saw the paintings above, I almost jerked off to hemorrhoid porn cried.

I can really relate to the butt ugly bitch. She looks like a monster pig she's having some problems dealing with her shitty reality. Join the club, pig.

I've already ordered a portrait of myself, that I hope adequately express the extent of my emotional retardation. And I hope you enjoy this amazing video. Just look at those sick boots!

Thanks Sean

We can only...

hope that this unfortunate pig was able to make it out of her awkward "stage." Something that I've been struggling with for the last 15 years. FUCK!

Anyway, I like to call this the "Flipper Pose." It's a common pose that a pig uses to camouflage their morbid obesity. Sadly, it's not working.

Thanks Muffy

Just look at...

this casino slut! Do you see that little bump she's rocking? Oh and do you see what's in her hand? This fucking gross bitch is not only tearing up the casino while pregnant, but she's also got two packs of cigarettes. I hope that baby has a parasitic twin with a 5 inch overbite.

We can all PRAISE THE LORD that this bitch decided not to use birth control. I'm sure "IT" will be totally fucked when her pussy does that birthing barf thing. Luckily for this white trash pig, my pill had already kicked in, or else we probably would have had an altercation.

I'd like to end my recent casino experience with with a video of me sobbing in the car the geriatric fuck below. This old piece of shit really made my day. He was playing the slots with his goddamn cane! Get it, pig!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Glamour shot of the day

Always a fucking pig bridesmaid, never a bride. God bless this pig. You know during the reception, she locked herself in the bathroom screaming between bites of cake, "it should have been me...nom nom nom!"

Today's blog is...

brought to you by this white trash "mom." There is nothing like blowing cigarette smoke on a baby. And don't think I didn't see that 6XL Winne the Pooh muumuu. Fucking pig.

You know this gross bitch smokes while she's taking a dump. Nothing like showing up to school on the first day, covered in cigarette burns, compliments of your trashy mom!

If you're militant...

for Jesus, then you've got to let everyone at the trailer park know. As you can see, this unfortunate individual hasn't let his condition get in the way of being a Pig for Jesus.

Thanks Beau

A friend of...

mine was pigging the fuck out at Subway. He was taking some anger out on a party platter, when he heard some grunts, followed by some sobbing. he turned around and was presented with this enormous sow below.

Subway will really trick a pig. You think you're eating a healthy meal, but you're still just a fucked up sow. A two foot meatball with a bucket of ranch is the only way to treat your debilitating depression.

Thanks Nate

Are you looking...

for the perfect van for fucking 4th graders to spread the word of Jesus? I think the piece of shit above would result in a ton of abortions saved "souls."

As some of you know, Elvis is the Rich White Trash that started it all. His disgusting "lifestyle" paved the way for all most of the shitty reality shows that I'm you sad pigs are addicted to. Can you imagine the plumbing at Graceland?!?

I'm willing to bet several of my prescriptions that this van is covered in an array of bodily fluids. I'll have to have it steam cleaned and then taste the leftover skank broth to determine the orifice or origin.

I actually recorded the clip below. It's from a gross white trash bar in Pennsylvania. The pigs in the bar wept at the sight of this hybrid Elvis/American flag.

Thanks Frank

It's been a...

long time since I've received a nice wolf/dream catcher/morbidly obese combo. As some of you know, wolves, dream catchers and massive pigs, are an integral part of the foundation of White Trashdom.

Well, awhile back my lady friend saw this 500 lb monster above exit a Ford Taurus, surely on "her" way to Vegas. This lady pig was "wearing" a 12XL puff paint comforter tunic.

The "CHRIST IS ALIVE" tunic provided the probable cause to check out this sow's car for some white trash paraphernalia. And surprise surprise, this fucking wolf shit was plastered on the back. The shame of that Taurus!

Thanks Macy & Nate

Did all you...

sad pigs remember to order Sarah Palin's new autobiography, Adventures In Guzzling Moose Cum Going Rogue: An American Life. I think I'm going to have to buy this piece of shit, just to see how fucked up it is. According to my "sources," some of the chapters will be on the following:

1. Downs Cannon - Treasured Eskimo "tradition," kind of like shooting potatoes out of pvc, but with a downs baby instead.

2. The Art of Tick Removal - This chapter will explain Sarah's amazing ability to remove fat ticks off a hairy moose dick, with her hands tied behind her back.

3. Eat What You Kill - In the tradition "borrowed" from the Native "peoples" of Alaska, Sarah eats every part of the animal that she kills. This means that moose dick meatloaf runneth over like the deception love of Christ. And you're a dirty skank if you haven't tried her moose cum cupcakes; Trig's favorite.