Saturday, February 28, 2009

I'm sorry that...

I've been behind with the trash for the past few days. I've been stuck at home violently ill, treating my maladies with pills and alcohol.

However, I was able to make it to Wal-Mart for a white trash extravaganza. Stay tuned...pigs.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Glamour shot of the day

This pig knows how to do it. The head behind the shoulder look will always help veil a quadruple chin, or at least help.

Today's blog is...

brought to you by Halcion. I had a "rough" day yesterday and took some, along with a sheet of brownies and a triple cheeseburger to cope.

I'm VERY experienced in the field of pharmaceuticals. I've taken just about everything. If you've seen me without my clothes on, then you'd understand. Anyway, I took some and was bitching because nothing was happening.

Cut to me an hour later in bed, actually drooling. My head was on my pillow and I could feel a stream of drool coming out, but I was just so crunk that I didn't give a fuck.

Need less to say, I've made an appointment for this miracle to become a part of my daily routine. Praise the Lord.

I just had...

the pleasure of being in the presence of an extreme shit-house-rat. I'm totally fucked and this bitch makes me look like a boring ass Mormon missionary. BLEH!

I was "working" at my dad's office and this enormous pig rolls in. She smelled like a combination of shit, sweat and the juice out of a can of Tuna. I'm not really sure how to describe her. Hopefully the pictures help.

She needed a lawyer to help her in her "case" against Dick Cheney, the UN, and Burger King. she also offered several million dollars as a retainer. I have a feeling her check might bounce considering the 1985 Ford Escort that she peeled out in.

When my dad found out that she was born in Iran, he kindly asked her to "holler like they do over there," and of course she "hollered." I've inherited a sense of "cultural sensitivity" that knows no end. Cute freak show. I'm dead!

You just can't...

make this shit up. So, as some of you know, Bobbi Jo Jenkins is one of Trash Heaven's mascots. I signed on to her Facebook today and had a friend request from the pig below. I find this fucking hilarious for several reasons. To begin with, how fucking trashy are you, if you actually know somebody that looks like Bobbi Jo? Her message follows:

Hi.. Is this Bobbi that used to live in AZ & have a horse named Stormy?? This is Cheri Roberts & our dad's used to work together & be friends.. I used to meet up with you as a kid & ride Stormy... Would love to catch up if I've got the right person!

As some of...

you know, I'm absolutely obsessed with shitty weddings. I mean there is nothing worse! There are so many tacky people out there, I just don't know what to do.

Well, this "deer hunting" theme is really fucking trashy. Look at the goddamn cake.

Thanks Frank

You can file...

this under "you might be white trash if..." Hopefully this was well worn and covered in mounds of chunks, blood, and skidz, before being made into an adorable tank top.

Thanks Kurt

Have you ever...

pigged the fuck out on fried bacon, dipped in gravy? This looks like an absolute white trash delight. This would have been the perfect "medicine" during my mental breakdown last weekend.

Pigs are so fucking sick (click here for some pig dick). I'm talking about the actual animal, not a fat bitch. The smell of pork cooking almost always makes me violently ill. However, I've been known to fuck up a plate of bacon, with grease dripping down my chin onto my man tits.

Thanks Frank

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

This dream catcher...

is made from the jaw bone of a deer. Fucking sick and trashy. Cute weapon. This wood look adorable hanging from the rear view mirror of your station wagon Ford Taurus.

Do you remember...

those pigs from Secret Trois? Well, their hoggetry is inspiring the morbidly obese from coast to coast.

Thanks Dane

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Glamour shot of the day

Do you remember white trash Pam? She's the redneck pig with the banana yellow Ford Mustang and 5 inch encrusted camel toe. Anyway, she's back as today's glamour shot. Adorable.

Today's blog is...

is brought to you by this shitty church. "Come as you are." I'm sure!

Thanks Jon

Have you heard...

of a beavertail, the pastry served to the president on his recent trip to Canada. First of all, this thing looks like an absolute hog's delight. The kind where you turn the lights down, close the shades and then proceed to pig the fuck out, all while whimpering, "I'm not a loser."

But, the shape is making me think of an organic/edible maxi pad for both men and women with questionable anal hygiene.

Have you missed...

Christian Chris? Probably not, his clips always make me extremely suicidal. I kind of feel like a wolf attacking a retarded lamb.

I can't stop...

obsessing about miniature guide horses. They're so goddamn cute. See anything odd in this picture? Can't figure it out...?

Let me help. Why the fuck is this guy wearing a watch? Am I retarded? I bet they shit everywhere! And I just hope these poor little things aren't getting pounded.

Boot of the week

Boot of the week is back, and these might be the boots to end all boots. I would love to see a morbidly obese pig do the splits in these bitches.

Thanks Frank

I've been so...

fucked on cough syrup, that I forget about Mullet Monday. Well, here's your goddamn mullet. This is authentic as it gets.

Thanks Mandy

Monday, February 23, 2009

Glamour shot of the day

I've been obsessed with Madonna for as long as I can remember. I love her even more than food (ha!). Anyway, I was fucking up the Oscars last night and Madonna rolls in looking like she's in high school. I just can't take it.

I would swallow a used condom filled with rotten tampons, cat shit, and bed sore juice, just to have the honor of watching her take a dump.

Today's blog is...

brought to you by this shitty van. The Chevy Astro has special meaning to some very special people in my life. Oh the memories. Hopefully I'll have a solid gold Astro waiting in the driveway, when I make it to Trash Heaven.

For Macy & Co.

This could very...

well be the most massive queen in the entire world. Poor thing never had a chance. Hopefully his parents dressed him as a girl growing up, for his own personal safety. I can't believe I'm saying this, but he might be more disgusting than Clay Aiken. It's a really hard call.

That gaping mouth is making me ill. It looks like one of those gross killer whales at Sea World, but instead of throwing fish, he's hollering for dick and/or cake.

Does it make...

me a bad person, that I've been getting wasted off my little brother's prescription cough syrup? I'm just in so much "pain," that I had to help myself to a little treat. Cut to be me totally fucked and sinking through the floor. Whatever helps a pig get through the fucking day.

I haven't done...

a Rich White Trash (RWT) post in a long time. I'm pretty sure that Lisa Rinna more than qualifies for a RWT ribbon. She looks stunning in the pic above, just so subtle.

Her mouth is so crunk/fucked. It looks like the roided up asshole on a 500 lb pig with serious intestinal problems.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Is this an...

example of karma? On Friday I did a post about how GD nasty Holiday Inn's are. Cut to my trans Atlantic fiasco last night. I landed in the states, and my connecting flight was in Cincinnati (what a fucking dump). The shit gets canceled, and want to to take a guess where Delta put me up at for the night? At the fucking Holiday Inn! I almost passed out at the counter.

The pig at the counter could tell I was highly agitated. So, to make things better she handed over a 3XL Delta shirt. It was like a fucking dress. I could have added a belt, wig and ankle boots and gone to the fucking club. I then said, "thanks for guessing my size, now I'm going to guess your IQ/credit score."

Well, I've turned this hotel room into my own personal sex dungeon. If somebody comes in here with a black light, they will die on the spot. I've been doing Toby's move on the hotel carpet from the clip below. I can't wait to get connected to Delta's customer service center in India.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Today's blog is...

brought to you by my return to the South, it's only hours away. I'm going to try and hit up Wal-Mart, Applebees, and all the local Baptist churches in an effort to bring the highest quality of trash to Traveh Heaven. Pray for me, pigs.

I'm going to be gone for two weeks on yet another "mission trip." I'm just the kind of person that gives and gives, I barely have a minute to myself. Anyway, I'm going to try and give you all the filth I can.

May the TRASH (Anna, JonBenet, Baby Caylee, Pam Anderson, Carnie Wilson, Sylvia Browne, and Candy Spelling) be with you.

The owner of...

the magic weave has come forward. The following quote pretty much sums it up, "I've invested a lot of money in this weave over the years...and it saved my life."

Friday, February 20, 2009

Glamour shot of the day

I'm going to have to make this skank an honorary mascot of Trash Heaven. She just continues to deliver with these goddamn glamour shots. This "photographer" in particular has some really amazing backdrops.

Today's blog is...

brought to you by the Holiday Inn. What a fucking dump. Some "friends" of mine are going to NYC this weekend to see a concert (code word for doing meth). And they are staying at a goddamn Holiday Inn. You've got me fucked. Life is just too short. Imagine all the Christians that have taken dumps there, and what if you saw somebody you knew. The shame!

One time I saw this pig buying some shit with her Holiday Inn VISA rewards card. I wanted to die. She was screaming "MISSIONARY" with her floor length denim ensemble.

For Matt & Shane

A friend of...

mine was having lunch, heard some grunting, looked up and feasted his eyes upon this glorious pig. She wasn't just having lunch, it was more like food fucking. According to my "sources," she would have to stop every so often and take several deep breaths.

This is really my favorite kind of pig. I bet she works at the DMV and has a really fucked up Ford Taurus. If you look closely, her tits are actually resting on the goddamn table.

You can tell that the food is bringing her so much joy, she almost wants to cry. The food never kicks her ass or takes her Taurus joyriding without asking. I get the same kind of feeling when I hear pills rattling in a bottle. Instant boner.

Anyway, I'd like to encourage all of you to use your phones to take pictures of the monsters among us. Let me know if you need some tips. I have some adorable techniques.

Thanks Chris

I want to...

know where this bitch got her weave. According to this article, a woman's weave deflected a bullet. WTF!?! I've been obsessed with wigs for as long as I can remember. I wonder what that means?

Have you heard...

of a miniature guide horse? They are really fucking cute, and just like seeing-eye-dogs, but take much larger dumps.

Guide horses can be accessorized with custom boots, as shown in the picture above. I really hope none of their owners take these relationships too far, if you know what I mean. Imagine trying to explain yourself, if somebody caught you fucking your guide pony.

Thanks Lauren

Comment of the day

The comment below is from the post about the adorable hooker pussy mugshots from Vegas. It highlights my obession with how fucking gross carpet is. There is nothing like a genital making contact with hotel carpet.


ExHack said:

I live here. Yep, it's a fucking toilet. I work at the airport, showing up in the early morning where people who lost their last night's hotel money at the tables are crashed out on the carpets. You know, the same carpets that have had every form of bodily fluid ground into them by millions and millions of whoremongers and crack hookers on their way out of town. And I'm just talking about the shit they track in from outside, not the venereal-tainted piss, shit, sperm, blood, puke, and spit they generate once they come on in.

This could be...

the only good thing about having a goddamn baby. God, I hate kids. BLEH! If you happen to have one of these awful creatures, put that little bitch to work.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Glamour shot of the day

Pamela Anderson is so fucking gross. Her kids must be so proud. Her pussy is like the conveyor belt at a grocery store. That shit always makes me ill, when it comes back around and there is a wet streak on it from some sick leaking hamburger meat.

Having trouble finding...

an Easter present for that special troll in your life. I think this shirt will do. I just ordered my own in 9XL petite.

Have you heard...

of Fuck My Life. It's a message board, where people share all the fucked up shit that happens to them. I highly recommend it. I'm going to include some of the recent entries below. This shit is fucking hilarious.

"Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her exiting her electric toothbrush in her hand. FML"

"Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML"

"Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML"

Today's blog is...

brought to you by a bacon-wrapped meatloaf with a layer of mac and cheese, compliments of This Is Why You're Fat. Most of the food on this site makes me ill, but I would fuck this meatloaf up. This would be the perfect meal to make if you were really depressed and by yourself. You could always eat half and then fuck the rest.

I'm going to take this moment to reintroduce everyone to Fat Deidra. She hasn't made a video in a long time. I hope she's still pigging the fuck out. Skip to the 0:50 mark to watch her fat friend Kim, fuck up a fried twinkie.

Thanks Frank

Everyone and their...

crabs have probably seen this shit by now, but I'm going to post it anyway. I'm talking about David After Dentist. There is something about seeing a kid wasted, that really takes me back to my cough syrup days in elementary school. There's nothing like your first addiction, and I'm not counting food.

Anyway, I can really relate to this kid. He's way more put together than I am on your average night.

Do you know...

that a movie named Donkey Punch is currently in theaters. WTF!?! It's not a joke, the plot actually revolves around some donkey punching gone wrong. Shouldn't I have been consulted for reasons of artistic integrity for the accuracy of the actual donkey punching scenes?

There is nothing...

that makes me more suicidal than a chain email. Anyway, I was lucky enough today, to receive one mocking my favorite lady. Fucking rude.

I can only imagine the redneck that made this shit on photoshop. I bet he was howling from his piss/Natty Ice covered cloth sectional. I love it, he/she is probably a really slow conservative Christian (personal fav), a bigot, and a racist. Cute package deal.

The body of the email is as follows:


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Glamour shot of the day

This is a really bad one. I only have one thing to say, just look at those shitty boots.

I'm not sure...

if any of you remember or give a fuck, but back in November, I went to Las Vegas on a "mission trip" to spend a night with my own personal Jesus. I fucking hated Las Vegas, I mean it was gross. I cannot stress how fucked it is, and if you're one of those "people" that think Vegas is cool...God, you're trashy. Get a fucking passport and then we'll talk.

Do you think it's a coincidence that Tulsa, Oklahoma has more daily flights to Vegas than any other city? Fuck no, you do the math.

Anyway, the only thing I liked about Vegas were the "undocumented" hustlers on the street, trying to get you to spend the night with one of the "special" "ladies." If you click on this link, you can check out the mugshots of some of these ravishing beauties. Cute pussy/pimp.

Today's blog is...

brought to you by Bristol Palin, the whorelicious daughter of the drooling Nazi pig commonly known as the governor of Alaska. Bristol, aka the white trash Alaskan princess, has come forward with the shocking statement that "abstinence is not realistic."

What's not realistic about that? I guess she would have first hand experience in this dept, while acting as the personal cum dumpster to her "fiance" Levi Johnston. I wonder how his electrician's apprenticeship is going?

Just think of the backlash this going to cause in the "conservative" "community." According to my "sources," Gov. Palin is said to have said, "oh yaaa, jizz is for Jesus only, dont cha knooow."

There is a...

new condition ravaging the young trash of Kentucky, it's called Mountain Dew Mouth. According to ABC NEWS, the WT beverage known as Mountain Dew is fucking up grills at a lightning pace.

To be honest, I'm somewhat skeptical. I've always judged Mountain Dew drinkers as pretty fucking trashy. Consuming this sends a pretty clear message, that you're WT. It's about the same as the early Christian's drawing a fish in the sand to identify each other. If a redneck sees another redneck pounding some DEW, he'll know where to find some speed.

Anyway, click on this link to check out some of these hot fucks. They're giving meth mouth a run for its money.

Thanks Matt (bitch)

Comment of the week

This comment below refers to the last post featuring the fabulous duo, Robby & Becky. If you can't tell, I'm beyond obsessed with this couple. They are so fucked, but in a lovable way, proof that no matter how fucked up or disgusting you are, there is somebody out there for you (if you're stupid enough).

I can just tell by looking, that Becky spends quite a lot of time in the bathroom. The odors produced are surely beyond stimulating to Robby, who patiently jacks off outside the door, while Becky "powders her nose."


Nate said:

In this picture Robby looks like a melanoma growing out of Becky's DAINTY shoulder... or maybe he is one of those parasitic twins?