Sunday, November 30, 2008

Today's blog is...

brought to you by Televangelists. Benny Hinn is fucking trashy and of course on the "JUST DIE" list with the rest of these shitty hypocrites. Just look at all the wheelchairs on stage. I'm sure! Check out the :45 mark to see some of his "magic." I would love to get on that stage, roll around and barf for Jesus. They had to install gutters in the aisles to channel all the drool away. And it's recommended that you wear a pair of pampers when you hear him "preach." Just being in the presence of such magnificence will make you piss your pants.

Click on this link to read an adorable pamphlet mailed out by Benny Hinn Ministries. It asks for contributions to help purchase "DOVE ONE," Hinn's new $36 million Gulfstream! Are you fucking kidding?!? And for a gift of $1000 or more, your name will be inscribed in the cabin of the plane. You can't make this crazy shit up! Praise the Lord!

Is everything ok?

You could interpret...

this in a few different ways. It could represent FAITH, that magic make believe Jesus dust that keeps millions of droolers drooling. Or, and much more meaningful to me in my own experiences, it could represent your natural autopilot when you're blacked out.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

This shit is...

so embarrassing, I can barely watch. Anderson is such a queen and Michael Phelps could fuck an entire forest up with his grill.

I'm sure you've...

been up at night worrying about what to get me for Christmas. Look no further. I've found the perfect gift to make your dream catcher fantasies come true. It just so happens to come in 6XL. Thank God!

This video could...

change your shitty "life." It will give you the "tools" to protect your town from the EVIL know as "the Gays." In the clip, a shitty town near and dear to my "heart" is highlighted. Get the facts! Protect your community! The Queens are coming, bitches.

I had to take this opportunity to bust out my favorite picture of white trash foaming at the mouth. What a shitty scare tactic used by "Christians." This is getting about as old as nursing home genitals. The following will happen to your town in the aftermath of a gay invasion: the local economy improves, neighborhoods in decline are revitalized raising real estate values, resulting in increased tax revenues for schools, and sales at local antique and liquor stores go through the roof.

Thanks Guy

Friday, November 28, 2008

Glamour shot of the day

This has to be one of my favorite pigs. If I only had a dollar for every time she's been pounded in the back seat of her Pontiac Grand Am.


Mattyfantastic at a Tina Turner concert doing his drag queen face and smurf fuker, Gargamel.

The day after...

Thanksgiving shopping orgy might be the most hyped up lame bullshit ever. What's the fucking deal? Like anything at Wal-Mart is worth getting up for at 5am. You've got me fucked. What a goddamn dump!

A Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death when they opened the doors for the Black Friday shoppers. And a pregnant bich was trampled and had a miscarriage in the store. Cute blood bath, this is like some shit from The Shining.

Never Forget!

A fan of...

Trash Heaven just sent me this pic. The bitch in the background is rocking a really cute look. What a shitty beach, I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's Destin, Florida. Redneck Riviera for dayz!

Today's blog is...

brought to you by the diamond engagement ring, the Burkha of the West. Here are a few other symbols of the slave trade known as marriage. In America, you gotta have a house you can't afford, along with a massive SUV to haul your fuck face kids around in, complete with those lame stickers that say what sport your kid plays, like anyone gives a shit. And don't forget a fake tan and a set of really shitty acrylic nails. You too can share in the wonders of a culturally bankrupt society.

I really tore...

it up last night. And I'm proud to say, that for the second time in my life, I actually blacked out at the dinner table. I vaguely remember saying something like, "I'd like to stick my dick in the stuffing," and in reference to a knife on the table, "that could come in handy for some amateur abortions." I'm blaming the 20 glasses of champagne I was "forced" to drink.

I was twice as wasted as my two favorite bitches in the Abfab clip below.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Today's blog is...

brought to you by religious paraphernalia. What a trashy way to express your "faith." If you're already a loser, why not let everyone know when you're stuck in traffic? The "Treasures in Heaven" bumper sticker is probably my absolute favorite. It's like saying, "Don't mind my 1988 Pontiac, Bonneville spraying black smoke, Jesus has the keys to my Ferrari."

Glamour shot of the day

The Pilgrims really knew how to throw an outfit together. I guess it wasn't their number one priority while they were starving. Anyway, the Duggars proudly carry on the tradition of looking plain as fuck.

Michelle Duggar is only a few month away from giving birth to her 18th child. As some of you can imagine, my sick imagination is in full force with this one. What exactly does a vagina look like after 18 babies? I'm sure it looks like 100 lbs of raw ground beef being shot out of a canon.

Just look at...

the texture on the tip of that hotdog. I've always loved to bite the tip of a hotdog off and then blow it out of my mouth at someone.

In college, a friend of mine got Chlamydia and it made his dick look like this.

One of my...

friends took this picture yesterday. He was on his way to a church in Jolo, West Virginia, when he came upon this horrible shit. Hunting is so trashy/cruel, and I'm not one of those PETA fuckers, but if Pamela Anderson is one of your biggest supporters, then you might have a problem.

Everyone knows that the more animals you kill, the bigger your dick gets. Plus, I don't think Jesus likes it when you blow away his sweet little creatures.

When I was younger, I used to terrorize the animal kingdom on a regular basis. I'm having flashbacks of all the things I've microwaved, Jesus.

The video below is totally retarded, but I still laughed.

I'd like to...

wish everyone a "happy" Thanksgiving, you fucks! I have a feeling that I'll be sporting a really sick hangover tomorrow, cut to me on Xanax drooling all day, whimpering in the corner. I'm sure everyone has already seen this interview with Sarah Palin and the turkey genocide going on in the background. Check out the redneck executioner, he looks like he's loving this shit.

I'm sure Gov. Palin is hard at work preparing her famed moose dick stuffed casserole for her drooling WHITE TRASH family. The rest of the meal will be prepared by her Inuit slav...I mean "friends."

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Oh how beautiful

the irony. Ann Coulter is such a cunt, calling her a bitch would be a compliment. Apparently, she broke her jaw on some Nazi Republican dick and had to have it wired shut. Maybe there is a God? Ann Coulter with a wired jaw is like an amendment to the constitution banning Carnie Wilson from fast food.

Terri's Tips - Ponderosa Pussy

Check out my weekly guest blog on Soihavethisfriend for the latest installment of Terri's Tips.

Today's blog is...

brought to you by an ashtray.

Glamour shot of the day

Just look at those shitty boots and that trashy old Corvette. Amazing.

This is what...

Trash Heaven's really all about. Having shit like this on your car, automatically makes you an an angel in the Trash Heaven army. I've said this before, but it's exactly like the early Christians drawing a fish in the sand to identify other Christians. If you identify with the symbol of a goddamn howling wolf, the message is loud and clear! You're white trash!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Why wont this...

gross skank go away? Sarah Palin is killing me! She's everywhere! There was an article saying that she was going to serve Moose at Thanksgiving. Please tell me this is just a joke. Since McCain's defeat, the gross, slow, plain, butt ugly and ultra religious have been flocking to her like crabs on a whore. There is no end in sight!

This is some...

horrible shit. Great way to start your day. This is basically the real life version of Deliverance, but it's happened in England (shocker). The end result is a slew of drooling inbred children, and I'm sure up and coming devout members of the Anglican Church. Just watch the video, it's bad! I observed a one minute porn blackout in their honor. I've also included one of my favorite clips from the movie mentioned above. Enjoy.

Glamour shot of the day

Look at those cankles, Jesus. Her legs are fucking sick! Cottage cheese in saran wrap.

Today's blog is...

brought to you by shitty ideas.

Have you missed...

Ursula? She's back for another installment of Operation Tranny. It's kind of like Pat Robertson's Operation Blessing, but with duct taped balls and hormone shots, minus all the disgusting "religious" propaganda.

I'm insanely jealous of "her" magnificent boot collection. According to my "sources," Ursula prefers boots from the Jessica Simpson (trashy) collection or Steve Madden (trashy). Only the best for a tranny sporting the weathered face of a sailor, but the ass of an angel.

The clip below is from Maury. What a shitty show. Check out the names of some of these beauties, so believable.

You really can't...

make this shit up. A loyal fan of Trash Heaven just sent these pictures to me and I'm absolutely dead! I zoomed in on the license plate and of course it's fucking Oklahoma. God help me, what the fuck is going on?

This is the hottest fucking "convertible" that I've ever seen. Cute pussy wagon. And you think that he is just cruising the streets with that livestock, however, I believe the relationship is much more intimate. If you get where I'm going. I'm pretty sure there is some hot balls deep roadside action going on.

And I thought I was embarrassed of my parents in high school. Can you imagine getting dropped off in this? I'm going to have to put my Nancy Drew tampon in to get to the bottom of this redneck bullshit.

Monday, November 24, 2008

This isn't really...

trashy, but Rosie O'Donnell is such a bitch and fucking hilarious!


Is it just me, or is there a striking resemblance between the Huttess and my special friend?

Glamour shot of the day

This "art" is just so "deep." If you look closely, I think you can see a chunk of a maxi pad.

It's time for...

some more ASL Queen action!! I'm assuming that this is Gordon's "lover." I think they get wasted and have ASL orgies. Such "passion." I'm going to learn how to say "pound me harder" in ASL.

I have some...

more Hutt action to share with you. These are "exclusive" pics from her Halloween hog down. Multiple children ended up in the ER, after a yeti like creature jacked their candy. I think we can deduct exactly what happened. Just look at that abortable face. Jesus.

This is kind...

of an inside joke, but I'll try and explain. One time I was about to have a hog's delight at Subway with my lady friend. The kind where you convince yourself that a foot long is ok, because of all the "vegetables." It was finally my turn in the line and sandwhich "artist" was a massive troll (big shocker). I looked down and spotted a set of webbed hands. I was ill! Anyway, "it" started to make me kind of sick. least I think it was a he, had a a really sick voice, almost like the sound of a 400lb "person" laughing, but more Aqua-ish. I had to check his neck for gills and then I looked over the counter to make sure he wasn't standing in water. While he was making my six foot sandwhich, I'm pretty sure a bead of sweat dripped of his nose into my food.

Anymutanttranny, the photo of the flipper boots above brought the nightmare all back to me.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Have you been...

wondering about Taylor the Hutt? No? Well, I think about her more and more with every bite! I'm fucked! Anyway, as you've probably guessed she's been tearing up the clubs with her skanky fucked up queens. And of course she's consumes daily what an average family tears up in a week. Her choice of eye shadow is so subtle. I think that color is called Jamaican Mist.

This is the last picture that was taken before Lady Hutt devoured that poor queen. It was over in a matter of seconds.