Monday, June 30, 2008

Rednecks really love...

gas station art. There is nothing like ceramic Indian heads and rattlesnakes made in China, that really get to the heart of what it means to be American. The terrorists really hate shit like this.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

White trash ponytail!

This ponytail is adorable. She's been rocking this shitty thing at the casino for a few decades.

This might be...

one that you had to be there to really appreciate exactly what the fuck was going on. I'm pretty sure she called the police when she saw me driving by taking pictures. I failed miserably at capturing her daughter who was finishing up on the weed eater. I'm almost positive she suffered from a severe case of mental retardation. The helmet and the drool served as confirmation. Is there not some kind of law in place to protect "people" like this?

Blockbuster is the...

new Walgreens. I made an adorable trip to Blockbuster tonight, what a fucking dump and what a shitty selection. However, victory was mine when I came upon the hottest couple in town. I was only able to get a few pics, but their sandals and shorts were nothing short of amazing. I'm sure they have to beat back the Vanity Fair photogs every time they leave their home. I hope to God that they fuck in those sandals and just take a minute to examine the denim diaper this sow is sporting. Nice dump pants. Her email might be

This bitch is...

rocking the hottest outfit ever! She makes those polygamy ranch trolls from Texas look like supermodels. And that hat is off the fucking hook!!

Friday, June 27, 2008

What's the big...

deal? This lady had a few slaves in the basement and is going to bite iron because of it. The authorities should have been more concerned about how fucking ugly this bitch is, rather then the alleged "slaves" under the stairs.

Boot of the week

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I'm obsessed with...

how goddamn gross mayonnaise is. I mean it's really fucking sick. The main ingredients are egg yolks and oil. BLEH! I like to leave a jar of mayo sitting out in the sun, it tastes better after it starts to separate and horsefly's love it. Think about that the next time it's dripping off your cheeseburger.

Wedding vows that...

will break your heart. Becky, do you take Angie's mullet and stonewashed hammer holder jeans? (yes, of course). Angie, do you take Becky's Nascar and flannel shirt addiction? (fuck ya). By the power invested in me by the Cherokee Nation, I now pronounce you BULLDYKES. Let the beaverama commence.

That dyke's mullet is off the hook. It looks really wispy, like the sun would shine right through it, just like a stained glass window. The slightest breeze would have that shit flapping in the wind. A mullet like that makes for a happy home. So tender and sweet.

Today's blog is...

brought to you by Adderall. There is nothing like being cracked out. It really makes the day go by faster. Increased heart rate, grinding your teeth, the urge to have anonymous sex. Diet pills for everyone!!

Can you identify...

everything fucked up with this picture? I'll go ahead and name a few. To start with, those gray slacks on that knock kneed pig are off the hook. The white trash queen riding that pool table is also adorable. The icing on the cake is really the poor girl in the right hand corner of the pic. God bless her. Cute "shirt". Somebody probably needs to call Linens N Things to see if they are missing a bedspread. I'm not really sure if she should be showcasing her "arms." Are those even arms?

I'm pretty sure...

that everyone can tell how miserable you are minus the shitty black lipstick. File this under "starving for affection."

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Do you have...

really tacky friends? I do. This is one of his favorite positions to be one. Notice his elongated valuptous moose knuckle along with the fabulous material on that couch. I have a feeling this photo shoot was taken with a disposable camera at the Ritz.

Every town has...

an assortment of white trash that eventually become local celebrities. One such local celeb is the owner of this fabulous Dodge Neon (cute investment). Her car is covered in Arkansas Razorback bullshit (adorable). I'm going to have to get some pics of this sick bitch. You know the type though. Really gross leathery brown skin from fucking up an old rusty tanning bed. Long thick/sick acrylic nails and a lover of long skinny fucked up cigarettes.

Monday, June 23, 2008

The mullet of...

my dreams. Notice how it cascades like a waterfall. So beautiful.

The official car...

of your neighborhood redneck. The investment on the airbrushed flames surely will pay off.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Cute statement

What a stupid piece of shit. Cute resume builder.

Boot and pig of the week!

Nothing makes me...

happier than seeing a redneck smoking in front of a Wal Mart in sweltering heat.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Sometimes I doubt...

your commitment to Sparkle Motion!!!

I have it...

on good authority that the owner of this car is a total pig. Is everything ok? Can you imagine the smell?

To start with...

I'm totally fucked up. I woke up the other night thinking about the potential blood bath of somebody with braces going down on a beaver.

If you really tore it up, would your braces be all clogged up, a la ham chunks from a white trash salad bar?

I've always been...

obsessed with people and their shitty churches/cults. What is the fucking deal? Cute hobby! Thinking about the Jacksons, got me thinking about how adorable Jehovah's Witnesses are. What a bunch of crazy fucks. Their refusal to celebrate EVERYTHING must make life so enjoyable. I was thinking how awful the world already is, just imagine how much more fucked up everything would be by removing the distractions that keep our shitty lives going.

Their churches look like fucking shit and the women usually sport some serious glamour puss outfits.

Jermaine Dupri is...

so goddamn ugly, it absolutely kills me. What the fuck is wrong with Janet Jackson? You know he has to use a step ladder to fuck her. Joe Jackson did a really awesome job at fucking all of his kids up. Cute circus / freak show / parent of the millennium award. Does it have anything to do with the Jackson's being Jehovah's Witnesses?

He looks like the long lost twin of Beetlejuice from Howard Stern's show. Beetlejuice might be a little more attractive though.

The return of...

the beast! My shitty attempts to capture this "lady" in all her glory have proven futile. A full photo shoot is really in order, clothing optional. The big toenail on her left foot is probably three inches thick and a nice golden brown color.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Boot of the week!!!!

Born to be together

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Skank boot of the week!

Cigarettes are so...

goddamn trashy. I smoked for a decade, adorable. Marlboro Red 100s are so fucking sick. It takes a really roughed up skank to rock these cigs. And the ladies that smoke them are oh so classy. Cute breath mint / teeth whitener.

Virginia Slims are the delight in any whoredog's diet. Sometimes I fantasize about a really gross bitch peeling out in a really shitty convertible, smoking the shit out of a Virginia Slim, sporting a set of really fucked up acrylic nails. I would die!

I'm going to...

go out on a limb and guess that the occupants of this car are total white trash, or even better, they might be headed back to the reservation. I'm all over anything that features a howling wolf.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

An afternoon at...

the Gator Ranch was really the highlight of my trip to Florida. The staff was understandably trashy. Who the fuck dreams of wrestling alligators in front of a crowd of white trash? I'll never forget the tour guide or his 4 inch long brown toe nails or his teeth with lock picking potential. I have a scorpion key chain with YOUR name on it. The depression that ensued, could only be dealt with a massive quantity of food.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Walgreens is trashy!

If you're ever feeling really shitty and need to put your life into perspective, take a trip to your neighborhood Walgreens. A guaranteed festival of sick fucks can be found there, I promise! This picture is tame compared to some of crazy shit I've seen there.

Oh and if you're pushing 350 lbs, should you be wearing jean shorts that show your asshole? Why the fuck would anyone want to rock a pair of jean shorts anyway? I know they must feel great rubbing against your thighs in 105 degree weather. Adorable.

Boot of the week!

I spent a few days in Miami. On a nice stroll in 150% humidity, I came across these goddamn boots. For those of you that know me well, I'll never be the same.

Monday, June 9, 2008

fucked up!

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Hit job by the DNC

The fiercest bitch alive.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Have you seen this pig?

Wednesday, June 4, 2008


These three pigs have really killed me during this entire election process. I had to take a bottle of Xanax when Keith Olbermann scolded Sen. Clinton over Geraldine Ferraro. Give me a goddamn break!! And Jack Cafferty is fucking ugly and such a pig. His teeth look just like peanut brittle.

Boot of the week!