Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Lucite shoes are...

one of the only things that keep me going, and if they happen to light up, well that makes my fucking day. White trash cannot hit the club without them.

Some queens...

should be locked up!
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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

With a picture...

this trashy, it's really hard to know where to start. Those fucking boots really set the tone for this masterpiece. Notice the cute basement and that printer in the corner is the perfect prop. I have a pretty good idea what she offered the photographer in exchange for his services.
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Monday, April 28, 2008

These wolf...

earrings killed me, the silver feathers are a nice touch. They're all the rage at my favorite women's prison in Oklahoma.
Full Moon Wolf Feather Earrings - available now

Chilis is...

a fucking dump. It used to be my favorite restaurant in college, but I lived in such a shitty awful goddamn redneck town, so there weren't that many options. I'm trashy.
Chilis

Tanning beds...

are so fucking gross. It is my ultimate fantasy to walk in on a really gross old lady tanning and smoking at the same time. Just imagine all the gross redneck bitches that have been roasting in there - sweat from unmentionable body parts!
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Sunday, April 27, 2008

My favorite...

lady in the whole world - making me so proud, gambling and smoking at the same time. She's Trash Heaven's troll of the month.
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This nasty...

bitch won $500 at a shitty casino on a reservation in Oklahoma, proof that there is no such thing as God or karma and that good things happen to bad people!
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I'm a big...

fan of Chihuahuas, but the redneck that photoshopped this dog into a dream catcher really went over the line.
chihuahua

An obsession...

with dolphins is really trashy. It reminds me of Lisa Frank and that is really fucking trashy.
Dolphins & Heart Glitter

Can you...

imagine being a maid on a gay cruise. I was just thinking about how fucking sick that would be. You know how queens get gutter butt, especially on vacation. You know they have to put those sheets in like a nuclear reactor to get them cleaned - walls covered in chili and latex fists galore!
CRUISE

chili doglatex gloves

Saturday, April 26, 2008

You must...

listen to Teen Angst by M83.

Pit Bulls...

are a must have item in any white trash diet. A dog that can kill your friends and family, what more could you want?
pit bulls

Fake roses...

are so fucking trashy. The plastic drops of water! Somewhere a redneck bride is dreaming of this gross shit.
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A really...

sick set of acrylic nails, check out the 3d balloons and the shitty rings.
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A hobby...

shared by many morons, not to mention that shitty car!

Friday, April 25, 2008

The hottest...

car in Pennsylvania.
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My trip to...

Philly was so gross but worth it for the following two reasons.
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Thursday, April 24, 2008

Mayonnaise is...

so fucking gross. Rednecks love to put it on everything. You can even use it as lube!
mayo

Jean shorts...

are so goddamn awful. They are the easiest way to spot a trashy US tourist in any city in the world! Dykes also love hammer holder jean shorts! Cute style!
Jean SHorts

Red Lobster is...

so fucking gross. If you want a good 10,000 calorie meal, then it's definitely the place to be. People having their birthdays there absolutely kills me. The butter dripping down all the gross fucks faces!!
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I actually...

took this picture. Her ass!!
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Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Jackie Stallone...

is perfect! Her son is also an amazing actor. Check out that goddamn face!
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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Speaking of that...

sad pig Janet Huckabee, she's Trash Heaven's "PIG OF THE WEEK." Congrats! The French would call her monstre de mer, aka Sea Monster. She does however deserve some kind of special award for letting Mike Huckabee fuck her all these years. Foreplay at Golden Coral!

I feel really...

sorry for these homely bitches, they are basically slaves to those gross fucking old men that pound them. The sick outfits that they're sporting are not helping their cause at all. Where is Janet Huckabee when you need her? That hair and those Hobby Lobby sleeves are killing me.

Today's blog is...


brought to you by Vicodin. There is nothing like stealing pills from a family member after an operation or a car wreck. I highly recommend pharmaceuticals that make you feel like you're sinking through the floor. I think Cindy McCain would agree with me on this one. Anything Elizabeth Taylor is addicted to is good enough for me.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Do you have...


any friends that are crazy and don't know it? I'm totally fucked up but I embrace it. I have this one friend that should be on Xanax, but he refuses to take it. I'm never not on it! Work is always like a roller coaster and you never know what you're going to have to deal with. Any kind of shakeup on American Idol or Big Brother can cause an entire weeks worth of emotional hostage taking.

Only if I...


could see this shit in real life. It would only be better if these nails were hanging out of a pair of Keds with slits cut in the end of them.

Scissoring!

Diet pills are...


like magic Jesus dust and so great for your heart! One time, a former friend thought she'd lost her diet pills at my apartment. She proceeded to turn into a monster, tearing my place up looking for her pills. The episode ended in tears and a trip to the local psych ward.

Impress that special...


someone by taking them to Applebees. What a fucking dump. I remember when one opened up in my hometown and all the rednecks flipped out. It's the closest thing to a plate of down home Jesus.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Bubbles DeVere!

One of the best skits from Little Britain!

What has to...


happen to somebody growing up, to end up this fucked?

This is one...

of my favorite scenes from Drop Dead Gorgeous, one of the best movies ever!

My friend called...


me yesterday flipping out because he saw a 400lb girl driving a Geo Metro convertible. The top was down and she was tearing up a cigarette and rocking out to Bon Jovi.

Hunting is trashy...


and not really necessary when there's a grocery store down the street, even from your fucking trailer. If it makes you feel better to go blow something away with a gun, then you might need to talk to somebody about it. Oh and the NRA is so fucking trashy, give me a break. What a shitty organization!

Am I trashy...


for being obsessed with Priscilla Presley?

Long Island ice...


teas are such a trashy drink and a for sure way to get totally fucked up. I've had two awful experiences after pounding a few of them. The first one was in New Haven, CT. I was so ill the next day that I barfed all day long and considered going to the ER. The second incident took place in Florence, Italy at a really trashy club called Tabasco. I blacked out and my friend found me slumped over in the corner of this sex dungeon. Class act.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Today's blog is...


brought to you by Xanax, helping me almost function since 2005.

And the winner...


of today's "Thank God He's Dead" is...David Koresh. What a fucked up moron, he really did a lot for his followers. Oh ya and what's the deal with cults, did I miss something? Cute membership.

I went to...


high school with an army of redneck morons that would have rocked this shirt in a heartbeat. I think one in particular drove his car through the front door of a Luby's.

This is a...


symbol of my childhood, which was really fucked up - surprise.

Six flags over Jesus!


Mega churches might be the pinnacle of trash heaven! The church below is one of the most fucked up in the country. It's membership is over 14,000. Can you imagine all the morons drooling during the service? It kills me to even think about it. Oh and the Sr. pastor used to be a used car salesman. Cute zip line to God, I'm sure! Never underestimate how fucked up and stupid the average American is.

Marie Osmond is...


a gross loser bitch and her dolls are lame! I watched her in a trance for over an hour the other day on QVC. I could have spent that hour doing my bangs or not working on homework. What a bitch!

Friday, April 18, 2008

Sylvia Browne is...


white trash of the highest order, a grand empress of everything tacky and awful. Her long acrylic nails and ten pack a day cigarette voice. Please buy her books, she's so full of shit. What a goddamn fraud.

The 700 Club...


is a staple in any white trash diet, got to get your daily dose of Pat Robertson. What a piece of shit. He's on my "can't wait to die list." After he dies, he'll be on the "thank god he's dead list."

This is what...


happens when you don't take care of your furburger. Her shit is really out of control.

The Duggars have...


17 kids. God works in mysterious ways and has blessed Michelle Duggar with a super pussy, her vagina has to be like a parachute. They are so fucked up and weird / their special on TLC made me cry.

This is a...


a real couple. I know these pictures are all over the web, but I'm so obsessed with them! Her Nike wedding sandals are off the hook, I'm flipping out. Their combined IQ!!!!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Glamour shot of the day


This pig is the only one for me.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

When bitches smoke...


while they're pregnant, it absolutely kills me! It might be my favorite thing ever. Cute prenatal care. My second favorite thing is seeing a redneck mom pull up next to me in traffic, smoking with the window up and a ton a kids in the car.

Country queens are...


amazing! They don't share many traits with their big city sisters. They love Magic the Gathering, dragons, crystals, laser beams, and getting fucked by random rednecks at truck stop bathrooms. They also love Jesus and the American flag.