Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Is it just...

me or does Joaquin Phoenix have a weave? If you closely, you can make out some tracks, or maybe he's just working on a mullet. Either way it's fucking sick.

Which do you...

hate more on a plane, babies or dogs? I love dogs, but fucking hate babies. Fuck, they are so GD annoying! There is nothing like the sound of a baby screaming at 30,000 feet in a closed in space, to really turn you into a shit-house-rat. It causes me to have flashbacks from the church trips I was forced to go on as a teen.

Check out Soihavethisfriend for Mattyfantastic's take on this subject.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Glamour shot of the day

This bitch is really gross. Her hair, teeth, and skin look like a flowing sheet of mayonnaise that has been left out in the sun. Adorable.

Thanks Jon

This is truly...

an amazing work of art. This is the kind of shit that I would draw in class when everyone else was doing their work. My technique for taping signs to the backs of the the class miseries is unparalleled.

Today's blog is...

brought to you by Christian mooks. You can really reel in the droolers by making Jesus look so badass.


Is it just me or does the Walgreen's pig look exactly like a fucking pear. I'm obsessed.

As some of...

you know, I'm obsessed with airport trash. The specimen above is a perfect example. I know the picture is blurry, but can you make out the pig on the left? WTF is he wearing? It looks like a 12XL sweatshirt/dress. That pig could have thrown on a wig, a belt and some ankle boots and performed Cher's greatest.

Thanks Matt

Have you ever...

been to Walgreens? For some reason, it's a white trash mecca. I just don't get it. It's like a never ending conveyor belt of sick fucks. They should charge an admission fee.

Whenever I'm really depressed (all the fucking time), I just roam the aisles looking for my next victim. God bless the poor pig I stumbled upon. She has to be sporting some custom denim, I've never seen a more massive muffintop. Is she an apple or a pear?

Monday, December 29, 2008

Glamour shot of the day

What can I really say? The "fur" coat and the pool stick. She's mastered the "pound me in the back of your Taurus" look. And I have a feeling this bitch knows how to cover a black eye like no other.

The last post...

about that sick mullet, made me miss the Country Queens. Thankfully, Nick and Jesse just released a video from their favorite club, SCANDALS! Notice the "Crystal Room," oh the irony.

Jeese fucks the dance floor up to Britney, and of course he's smoking. I like to smoke menthols while I'm on the elliptical, it helps increase my endurance. Some fierce drag queens fuck shit up around the 3:00 mark.

For Macy & Frank

I fucking missed...

Mullet Monday again! I'm a goddamn moron. Anyway, I really had to share this work of art with you all. Just look at those perfectly coiffed bangs. This has to be a country queen. And I can only imagine just how "patriotic" he is. Nothing says, "I love the USA," like a flag sweater made in sweat shop.

First of all...

I love your "hat." Cute statement. These Christians from Kansas (fuck!) were advised by their pastor to rock this cute outfit and a crown of thorns around town. Come on PIGS, lets put the CHRIST back in CHRISTmas. I hope they rocked the thorns while they were taking a dump.

These clips are fantastic. They'll have you hollering for Jesus and a hit of X. Who knew church could be so much fucking "fun?"

During this time...

of year, it's really hard not to pig the fuck out 24/7. I like to keep this picture of the Huckabee family handy as a reminder of what can happen.

Just imagine the number these pigs did to the plumbing when they were trashing out the governor's "mansion."

Today's blog is...

brought to you by this Rascal, the only safe way for me to be out after dark. Over the weekend, I had the pleasure of attending a sporting event. If any of you know me, then you should be laughing right now. This type of occasion is usually cause for suicide, but I was totally wasted and drooling from some pharmaceuticals.

With glazed over eyes, I watched pig after pig speed by me in one of these goddamn things. I went to high school with this one "special" girl who got pounded on her Rascal during lunch.

The Republicans are...

working so hard on their image after thoroughly being donkey punched in November. Chip Saltsman, one of the pigs vying to head the RNC, was kind enough to send out a Christmas CD that features the soon to be holiday classic, Barack the Magic Negro. Click here to listen to this amazing song.

Just look at Chip's fat fucking face. He looks like a goddamn cartoon. This is really how I prefer my white trash. You gotta love such a stupid pig. Cute resume builder! I just ordered Chip (shitty name) a custom 9XL white hood and robe, along with a custom Ford Taurus complete with cross building kit and flame thrower. Yee haw motherfuckers!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

I must have...

died and gone to shit-house-rat heaven. Pat Robertson, one of my favorites and prominent member of the "JUST DIE" list, has just bashed the president and praised Barack Obama.

A clot must have come loose, there just isn't any other way to explain it. Check out the 1:00 mark to see his remarks. I'm one baffled pig. Is everything ok?

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Here is a...

little more PT Cruiser action for you. There is nothing as fucking sick. This clip is about that one legged whoredog gold digging Brit white trash skank, Heather Mills, the pig that dragged her wooden boot all over the set of Dancing with the Stars. Check out the :20 mark.

Thanks Nate

I hope this...

will suffice till I can get back with the fucking program, shit. I'm so sorry, but I've just been on an endless cycle of pills, champagne and leftovers. Maybe this slice of Americana can bring you as much joy as it has for me.

Thanks Nate

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Are you in...

need of a little inspiration?

I'd like you...

to meet Henrietta and Myrna. Cute names! These bitches have PARTY written all over their denim gowns. The skank on the right is rocking a fierce coif. Pentecostals are so GLAM! It was so nice that their masters...I mean husbands let them leave the polygamist ranch to tape this amazing performance. Tremble in the presence of the Lord, pigs.

Today's blog is...

brought to my Christian stalker. She's real! Look forward to the upcoming Terri's Tips for a further explanation.

Glamour shot of the day

Is this what your holiday meal looks like? If so, we have a problem. I'm going to leave you with an amazing performance by the cult loving crazy skank, Marie Osmond.

I'm sorry that...

the output of TRASH has been slow the last few days. If I can survive the day, things should be better. I've been slow roasting in the South for almost a week now. My poor liver! The constant state of being emotionally bankrupt has left me retarded, baptism via drool.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas Eve is...

brought to you by Kaylup Linzy. I hope your day/night is half as fucked as mine. You'll never know.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Have you ever...

noticed how obsessed people are with their shitty weddings? When I see shit like this, I always think, "who gives a fuck." I hope they were freezing their asses off in that sick water. Hopefully some parasites set up shop in a few orifices. There is just nothing like a shitty wedding, what a goddamn production.

I'm annoyed because...

I missed mullet Monday. I was just so ill from my Sunday night blowout that it slipped my mind. When you're as fucked up as I am, having "priorities" can be kind of hard.

Breaking "News!"

JonBenet is still dead. The people at CNN must have been really hurting for a story today, because that's the fucking feature on You've got to be kidding. I think we really know what happened, Carnie Wilson fucking ate her.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Holidy Update

As some of you fucks might know. I've traveled home for Christmas to relive the nightmare of my Southern upbringing. God, I'm white trash. I just had my 4th dinner. Anyway, I'm probably not going to be able to do as many posts as I'd like. I hope you bitches can give a pig a break. I just know its going to be hard with all the eating I'll be doing.

There is nothing like make you suicidal. Oh and the airline lost my goddamn luggage. Cute Soviet bloc action. I've been surviving on the same thong for days now. I'm going to have to boil that bitch tonight, even my poor dog started dry heaving after smelling it.

This time of year really brings out all these disgusting feelings I've tried to kill with pounds of cheesecake. Sometimes I wake myself up at night screaming, "why me Lord."

Glamour shot of the day

This is a bad one! I can just see the "photographer" convincing this bitch how "sexy" the pic was going to turn out. Cut to her looking like a dumb whore.

This is one...

of the most fucked up things I've ever seen. These are baby possums hanging out in their mom's pouch. I bet it fucking stinks in there. And look at those goddamn acrylics on that thing.

I'm so dead over this video. Look at that sick tail! You could use it as a dildo. BLEH! Do you know anyone that has a white trash pet?

Today's blog is...

brought to you by men's jewelry for me. There is nothing more tacky. Pig, you know who you are.

I hope you...

pigs are ready. The countdown has started for my return to the SOUTH. I plan on fucking up every single fast food dump in my hometown. I'm going to partake in a hogdown that would make Carnie Wilson cry. In light of my "vacation," I'm not going to be able to sling as much trash as some of you've come to demand. I'll try my best though.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

You need to...

check out Horror, Sleaze & Trash. It's a great blog, kind of dark but very interesting. And speaking of dark, this is a perfect time to remind everyone to be extra dark sided during the holidays, which isn't going to be a problem for me.

Today's blog is...

brought to you by red wine. I drank a bucket of it last night and now I'm fucking ill, like vertigo...bad! I can smell some sick fuck cooking pork and its about to be the end of me. I can't stop obsessing about the pig's feet in jars at the grocery store.

This has to be some kind of sick karma, because when I got on the metro this morning, this really gross homeless guy sat right next to me. The smell of urine, shit, rotten teeth and beer hit me like a fire truck driving through a day care.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Roland Martin is...

an absolute joke. I'm still trying to figure out how the fuck he got on CNN. He was on AC360 defending that fucking pig Rick Warren. I hope Obama is happy, what a shitty move. This has made so many people upset/sad. I guess he's trying to throw a bone to the religious right. I hope he dips it in drano, dog shit, and broken glass first, pigs.

Oh and Hilary Rosen is my new HERO. Watch the clip below. You can get an idea of what kind of a caveman pig Rick Warren is, and then watch Rosen fuck Martin up!

Glamour shot of the day

My blood pressure is still through the goddamn roof over Roland Martin. I had to calm myself down with a whore granny.

Breaking "News!"

Michelle Duggar has given birth to her 18th child. Her poor pussy needs to be on display at the Smithsonian.

With over half a million kids needing to be adopted in the US, it might have been nice if they would have saved her beaver the land mine treatment and gone that route.

Just think the amount of semen this poor bitch has delt with in her life. She's like a porn star for Jesus.

Have you been...

to Mattyfantastic's blog lately? His new drag queen of the week is beautiful. At first I thought it was Cindy McCain, but the "lady" above does not have nearly a vacant enough look.

Do you know...

what a louse is? Well, its the singular of lice. I've gone my whole life without knowing this crucial shit. You learn something new everyday, fuck. Now I finally know what to call the thing that has set up camp on my balls. It's just one and she's a big bitch, at least the size of a skittle.

Any name suggestions? I can't decide between Warren Jeffs, David Koresh, or Carnie Wilson.

This reminds me the time a "friend" of mine had crabs in college. One of them was so big, it slept under his bed and had its own water bowl.

For Gwen


Is it just me or does the head Nazi cum guzzling skank from the View look just like this fucked up possum.

I used to know this white trash family that had a goddamn possum as a pet. It would curl itself around the pig dad's neck and hiss at everyone. I'm ill!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

I can't believe

that Barack Obama picked Rick Warren to give his inaugural invocation. Hopefully this was just a political move to pacify all the drooling morons that are worried about him being a Muslim and/or the Antichrist. I had hoped and "prayed" that the reign of these mega church morons had come to an end, but apparently not. Praise the Lord!

Enjoy the video below. What a fucking pig. He's obviously a master of history. Organized religion is so corrupt and fucked! I think we know his number one priority is pigging the fuck out.

Glamour shot of the day

I really wore myself out today talking about religion. It's all I ever talk about, fuck! Anyway, I'm going to try and balance things out with this old whore featured above. The only thing missing from this shot is a carton of Misty 190s.

Today's blog is...

brought to you by Gay Jesus. Why? Hopefully it will piss off a few morons. Oh and I love the coif.

Thanks Sean

I've been ill...

all day long. This morning I was cracking an egg and it came out with a giant chunk of blood. It looked more like a miscarriage than a goddamn egg. My mouth instantly started watering, followed by dry heaves. I've been obsessing about it all day!

I know I'm being really dramatic, but it fucking killed me. It might as well have come out with a set of nails and a pony tail. It was like being hit with the smell form the locker room at the Special Olympics.

The White House...

is rewarding Elizabeth Hasselbeck, the resident Nazi on the View, by inviting her to the the final Christmas party of the Bush admin. Cute company. Instead of champagne, everyone is going to take turns speaking in tongues, followed by some faith healing. Desert will be served in a cake modeled after one of Billy Graham's terds.

The clip below features Melissa "beat your pussy up" Etheridge having a showdown with Elizabeth. She wanted to personally thank her for violating her civil rights by supporting Prop 8. There's nothing like being not good enough. Oh and that stupid evangelical pig, Sherri Shephard, is rocking a broke down dollar store wig. As my lady friend would say, "get a life pig."

For Macy

I'm sure some...

if not most of you have seen this picture before, but I'm still obsessed with it. Spot anything? WTF is going on? How could these pigs not know what was going on in their midst? This shit is too real to be staged. It's a perfect of example of some rough trade, some Cell Block roasting. That's the kind of queen that will fuck you, then his wife, kick both your asses and then cut a few bitches in between.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Glamour shot of the day

Goldie Hawn is kind of trashy, but I still like her. She looks fierce in this glamour shot. The lighting! I'm going to try and reenact this picture in it's entirety for my next passport. Goldie, keep tearing those cigarettes up bitch.

And the winner...

of WHITE TRASH family of the year, goes to Heath and Deborah Campbell of New Jersey (shocker). Anyway, this adorable "family" is really upset at their local grocery store for using to put their son's name on a birthday cake. Oh ya, his name is Adolf Hitler Campbell and his sister is named Joycelynn Aryan Nation Campbell. What is the deal with low rent white trash and the obsession with Hitler? What a shitty statement and how sad. Check out their adorable birth certificates. Hopefully this shit goes to a museum.

Just by the look of the "decorations" in the photo below, I can tell that we have a major problem. First of all, who the fuck still owns a VCR? Those goddamn knick knacks!

Thanks Pilar