Friday, January 22, 2010

I've been running...

on fumes since my exile back to the South. You'd think that all the trash would give me a ton of material, but it's just over. I barely have the strength to go on, even with all the diet pills.

It seems that I'm starting to emerge from my debilitating depression (unfortunately), but a few things are driving me fucking crazy. Mainly, the Democrats have failed our country and the working poor by fucking up health care and it seems that we're more white trash than ever, I just can't take it.

Thank God for CINDY McCain, aka Joan Collins 2.0! At least I can count on her to fight the fight for all my precious Queens. Why are liberals so goddamn weak (excluding Hillary, of course)? The Dems are pussies and the Repubs are shitty faux drooling Christian morons. Do you know where that leaves us? I'll tell you, we are totally fucked.

I'm giving up on politics and going to spend the rest of my days counting pills, just like this methed out choctaw slut during a movie I saw the other day. Every few minutes I'd hear her goddamn pill bottle rattling and then she would count that shit out. After the movie, I saw her peel out in the most adorable Taurus station wagon. She left skid marks on the pavement and also in her chair in the theater (I conducted my own sniff test), my kind of cracked out slut.

Don't feel sorry for me, I've got a bright "future" ahead. Just the other day, I "bumped" into the maid and she fell down the stairs. It's really the little things. And I know there is a basement somewhere, a la Silence of the Lambs, a place where I can finally torture a bus of retards be comfortable.

And one more thing, don't think I didn't catch the fucked up crazy shit that came out of Pat Robertson's mouth about Haiti's "pact with the devil." I'm pretty sure he was already at the top of the "Just Die" list, but I can't wait to upgrade him to the "Thank God He's Dead" list.

I'm going to dedicate my last blog to a few of my favorite crunk bitches. I'm in awe of their numerous surgies and addicitons. Let's raise our pill bottles to Priscilla, Joan, Elizabeth and Candy.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Glamour shot of the day

Just look at this gross bitch. She's actually a really shitty Republican "actress" and a big Sarah Palin supporter. What a fucking moron.

And you know that poodles make me violently ill. Poodle jizz is one the "secret ingredients" in mayonnaise!

Speaking of crazy fucks, check out the nutty bitch in the clip below.

Today's blog is...

brought to you by this white trash couple pigging the fuck out at Chili's. Chili's is such a fucking dump, almost as bad as Applebee's.

According to my "sources," they each had two entrees. These pigs don't fuck around, my kind of trash! I bet their plumbing is totally fucked. The man-pig ordered tartar sauce for his goddamn quesadilla. I really hope my informant just made that up to fuck with me.

Tartar sauce is so goddamn sick. It's fucking mayonnaise bitches. You pigs have to quit eating that gross shit. I'd rather nibble on the swollen abdomen of a blood filled tick hanging off the chode of someone with "special needs," than eat fucking mayonnaise.

I have a really gross white trash confession to make. On Christmas Eve, I had lunch at Applebee's and then dinner at Chili's. I'm so fucking gross. The guilt has been killing me. I'm so fucked at this point, that I might as well become a Christian.

Thanks Joey

Did you make...

any shitty resolutions for the new year? I've thought long and hard and in 2010, I'm going to try to take even more pills and be a better "person" and I've also decided to transition into a woman. I'm going to be adorable! Hopefully I'll be as natural looking as a woman, as Chaz Bono is as a "man."

I'm going to start by always rocking a pair of long sick acrylic nails. There is nothing like the scent of feces as someone drags their filthy acrylic nail under your nose!

After you watch this clip, you'll know how to do your own "custom" nails. If you're not careful, you'll be the envy of the whole trailer park.

Thanks Lindsey

Do you remember...

Robby and Becky? Their white trash "love" continues to medicate my broken soul. During the last few months of my debilitating depression, I've totally neglected them.

According to my "sources," the holidays were pretty rough on them. Robby was eating Becky out and she got a terrible yeast infection from an abscessed tooth. The "recession" hasn't bothered them, as they've clearly never worked anyway. But, as some of you can gather from his adorable smile, Robby still loves to chew on bricks, rocks and chunks of concrete.

I think Robby would make a really great homeopathic "doctor." I know a dear "friend" of mine that could employ him to gnaw on some of his massive hemorrhoids.

For Phil & Veronica

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I'm sure some...

of you pigs have already seen this methed out slut on Dlisted, the best blog in all whitetrashdom. I howled as I watched some of this cracked out bitch's really hot moves.

I can't believe somebody didn't shut her the fuck down. I promise you, that if I were on a plane and some worn out old white trash whore was acting like that, we would have an altercation.

If you look close enough, you can see that most of her teeth are gone. This side effect from years of meth will make sucking the nastiest dick in town a special treat. Plus, you know it's hot to jizz on someone's infected gums. Fucking sick.

Looking at pictures of meth online has me craving diet pills. It just makes me want to have anonymous sex and drink a bucket of jizz revolts me.

Anyway, enjoys the clip of this amazing piece of shit. I'm going with Southwest Airlines by the look of those busted "leather" seats. Fucking white trash! Let's take a moment of silence for the poor queen that had to sit next to her.

I was at...

"work" earlier, fucking miserable and cracked the fuck out on my diet pill bored as shit. I heard this Jabba the Hutt-ish sound (like gargling butter), looked up and gazed upon this adorable monster. Her orthopedic boots squished across the wood floor as she dragged herself to the couch.

When "she" finally sat down it sounded like a combination of a wet queef and someone stomping on a mound of slugs. Sort of like the sound it makes when you fist a wet loaf of bread. Yes, I've fisted a wet loaf of bread.

After for fucking ever she finally peeled out in the direction of Golden Coral. I took a can of Lysol over to the couch to kill any clit roaches she'd left behind, unfortunately the only thing remaining was a sweat streak from her ass in the leather.

If you're looking...

for a way to trivialize something that's already been whored to the max, then you really need to get this ultra shitty Bible key chain. If you're so desperate for Jesus, that you need to get a magnified glass out to learn about his "miracles," then we have a big problem and you're probably fucking retarded special.

If you're a shit-house-rat Christian, this is the perfect size to smuggle in your ass on your next trip to China. I could fit dozens, no problem.

Thanks Frank

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Glamour shot of the day

And you thought you had a shitty Christmas. Just look at the combo of that broke down tree plus those shitty dolls. This bitch is obviously trying to overcompensate for having a loser husband, and also for being a boring ass Christian.

Today's blog is...

brought to you by Lisa Sellers. When it comes to pigging the fuck out, Lisa does not play around. Plus, her "command" of English is off the charts. I'd like to order an emergency analysis of "her" home plumbing.

Anyway, Lisa is an American pig of the highest order. On a "bad" day, "she" might consume over 30,000 calories. I would not advise leaving small children and / or cars in her presence.

Thanks Ben